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In this powerful and intimate memoir, the author shares her journey through a marriage tested by her husband's autism. The author also discusses the potential challenges of late-life romance, dating, and marriage. The backdrop to the author's story is the COVID-19 pandemic and a cancer diagnosis, both of which cause the author to fight even more for her marriage. However, due to her husband's reluctance to engage with helpful programs and goals that could not only help him personally but also strengthen their marriage, the author continues to watch her marriage crumble. As the marriage disintegrates, the author is forced to reconsider her definitions of love and happiness, and she must also determine her own future, as well as her own versions of self-care and self-preservation.
One of the book's most noticeable discussions regards community. While the author's marriage crumbles, she finds herself gravitating to supportive friends. She also joins a number of h organizations. These friends and organizations provide a safe place for the author to be herself and express herself. They also become spaces in which she can navigate the residual grief and the sacrifices she made in the marriage. One of the most helpful points in the book is when the author discusses joining a support group for "women attempting to leave their neurodivergent husbands." Eventually, these social places become even more important as the author navigates the aftermath of a divorce and has to rebuild her life once again. The discussions about such groups provide a resource, too, for anyone in the book's audience who lives in a similar situation.
The book draws attention to important statistics such as "eighty-five percent of couples with mixed neurotypes eventually divorce." Some of the book's most personal moments occur when the author presents these statistics. For example, the author offers insights such as "We were pulling in opposite directions" and "What we had attempted was exceedingly difficult." These sad yet moving acknowledgments act as heart-rending moments of self-awareness, acceptance, and resolution. They also create impactful turning points in the author's journey. As the book concludes, it includes a list of resources for neurodiverse couples. This list is especially important. The book itself is a starting point of sorts for neurodiverse couples attempting to reconcile their relationship or marriage. The resource list is helpful because it is extensive, well-researched, and a necessary tool for taking the first steps towards conflict resolution in one's relationship.
This memoir arrives at a poignant time in not only American society but also global society. More and more people are prioritizing their mental health as well as the mental health of their loved ones. It deeply explores the options, too, available for neurodivergent people as they navigate a world not always friendly to them. The author's vulnerability and honesty about her situation make the book easily accessible to anyone who has had to reconsider the deepest of relationships. Nonetheless, it can also serve as a helpful guide for couples seeking new ways to rejuvenate and even preserve their relationship.
RECOMMENDED by the US Review
A 2025 Eric Hoffer Book Award Memoir Category Honorable Mention