From Fear to Peace: Growing Spiritually as a Dementia Caregiver
by Linda Knebel Pruden
Bookside Press


"If I were to achieve the peace I desired, I needed to release the frightening hold the future had on me."

When the signs of her husband's dementia began to show, Pruden looked for any explanation, anything at all, to make sense of what was happening to her lifelong partner. Before long, there was nothing else it could be, and a doctor's visit confirmed their worst fears. From that point on, the lives of not just her husband, Rob, but her entire family had to change, and the author became a full-time caretaker. Outlined here is more than a journal or a memoir; it shows how the author changed and grew, searching for any shred of positivity amid a heartbreaking diagnosis and condition. Though worsening dementia requires an evolving toolbox of coping skills, the wisdom on offer in this guide should serve everyone, regardless of where they are in their journeys as loved ones and caretakers.

The first chapters set the stage, describing early doubts and the days spent hoping the changes were innocuous, letting readers know they're not the only ones hoping for the best. The main section of the book focuses on imparting that wisdom, sharing the burden, and offering a way to turn tragedy into acceptance and an opportunity for growth. Each chapter centers on a message, realization, or insight that helped the author keep going on her own path. Personal memories and fears are shared to frame the message, and then the concept is opened up more generally so that others can find their own feelings and internalize the support. While no one should ever have to go through this tragic life event, this book offers a silver lining and a support network readers can hold close in the darkest, most heartbreaking hours.

The inspiration for this book comes from the author's personal journey, and each chapter offers a glimpse into her experience caring for her husband, but its focus on helping others and its interactive components make it far more than a simple memoir. Each chapter begins with a poem that sets the tone, rooting everything in personal emotion, be it confusion, anguish, acceptance, or peace. Then, the nugget of wisdom is presented, with the text exemplifying and explaining where it comes from and what it means. Finally, each chapter closes with a personal message to the other caretakers reading the book, asking questions and inviting them to consider and provide answers. The meaning is clear: this book is meant to be read and re-read gradually, offering time for rumination and processing, as well as helpful reminders to revisit in relevant or uncertain times.

Both the author and her husband embarked on personal journeys of spiritual growth prior to and throughout their changing roles brought on by the dementia diagnosis, and this informs a great deal of the takeaways in each chapter. The advice and the application are broad, however, making room for every kind of religious belief, even secular ones. Their own searching also provides unique addenda, with Rob answering his own questions in the early stages of his diagnosis and giving readers an empathetic look at the other side of caregiving. Packed with opportunities for readers to compare their own fears and struggles with the author's, this is a companion guide that aims and succeeds at offering comfort and practical navigation through something that can feel all-encompassing and overwhelming in the best of times.

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