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In this memoir, Musser reflects on a lifetime colored by his mother’s emotional and physical abuse that began when he was eight years old. Only in the writing of this memoir, in his sixth decade, does the author come to terms with the abuse he both witnessed and endured. Not only was he the victim of his mother’s mental illness, but Musser also saw his father being physically and emotionally abused by his mother during multiple unrestrained tirades in which she physically slapped his father. Musser himself was locked in a cold, outside basement where he would spend hours in the dark. Yet, this memoir delves more into the positives of his life, especially concerning the relationship between his grandfather and him. “My most important refuge would be my priceless unforgettable memories of my time spent on my Grandpa and Grandma Hoover’s farm.” Musser relates his mother’s mental illness and her abusive behavior to a tragic accident that occurred when she was five years old. His mother witnessed her mother being burned to death when the stove on which she was cooking burst into flames. He relates his mother’s illness and his own struggles with depression and anxiety to this singular tragic event. The author includes some of the information he discovered while researching mental illness and childhood trauma, which led to his being able to find peace with the years of abuse.
As a child, Musser not only found refuge in spending time with his grandparents but also in his love of sports and reading. He spent much of his childhood shooting hoops alone, reading in the Abilene (Kansas) Public Library, and listening to sports on the radio. “Unless you’ve been emotionally traumatized as a boy of eight as I was, you couldn’t imagine what a refuge the world of sports and the radio could become.” These solitary endeavors, though a lifeline for the young Musser, rendered him a lonely child. They did, however, set the foundation for his love of history as well as sports. This love is evident through his inclusion of vast information about his sports heroes and historical facts. The author also includes such tidbits as particular songs popular during his youth and the customs of mid-America during his childhood. His ability to remember bits of conversations and specific dates of events in his childhood and adolescence is awe-inspiring. This ability he links to the time spent locked in the outside basement. Musser credits his exceptional memory to his “reading of sports magazines, history books, reading the World Almanac from cover to cover, those three years from eight to almost eleven years old when I was locked up for hundreds of hours in that outside cold basement.” Though Musser’s life was tainted by this extreme abuse, he attributes his Christian faith and self-education about the results of childhood abuse to finding the peace of mind that evaded him most of his life.
This is a fascinating read that offers readers a depth of information on sports, history, and mental illness. It is a testament to the human ability to overcome the horrible damage done by childhood trauma and abuse. The many obstacles the author has faced and overcome in his life will both break the heart and fill it with the hope that one can indeed overcome. It is a book that will remain embedded in the reader’s mind long after the reading is completed.