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At some point, everyone has experienced the feeling of being misinterpreted, either in words or intentions. Often this causes the listener to feel defensive or offended, leading to a conflict even in situations where the speaker felt they were being considerate or even caring. In this book, the author draws upon his experiences of both working within the New Mexico correctional systems as well as years spent in ministry and in support groups to help readers communicate clearly and considerately with people from all walks of life. At the end of the day, when one has a message that one wants to be heard, but ultimately, being heard is not the goal, the focus should be more on being understood. As the title implies, wanting to say what one means can lead to conflict, but with practice and empathy, it is possible to express fully transparent feelings without ignoring the other person’s situation.
Each chapter breaks down a different element of how people, particularly adults, communicate with one another, as well as how the various pitfalls and habits that lead to breakdowns can be identified, avoided, and even accounted for. Progressing through this book will give the reader skills in self-reflection, understanding others, conflict resolution, and problem-solving that can be applied in all kinds of situations in the home, the workplace, or any environment where communication is necessary. By being open-minded, receptive to the signals that others are sending, and speaking with clarity and good intention, readers will learn how to speak their minds and make deeper, more meaningful connections with others in an honest, heartfelt way that benefits everyone involved in the discussion.
Utilizing personal anecdotes and experiences, the examples of others, and scripture, the author ensures that each point made in this book is backed by an external source that makes it easier to relate to and digest. Though faith and spirituality are a big part of the author’s life and are prevalent throughout this book, this isn’t necessarily a book calling others to be saved. Therefore, non-Christian readers can get just as much out of the text by simply absorbing the context in which these examples are given. The clean and clear organization of the book’s chapters allows for easy reference when needed and enables the reader to focus on particular aspects of communication they struggle with first before going into the deeper understanding and reasoning found in these pages.
At the end of every chapter are discussion questions that can be used to either help the reader come to a greater comprehension of the subject matter or share in a group setting, creating a double opportunity to demonstrate the internalization of the lesson and to practice the skills contained within that section. The overall tone of the text is encouraging, inviting, and not preachy. The use of humor lightens the mood and encourages readers to adapt their habits and methods to become better communicators by following the examples provided by the author. Whether it’s writing a professional email or having a heartfelt conversation with a loved one, communicating is something that most everyone has to do, and so taking an opportunity to learn from someone who has been challenged with making a connection in difficult situations is something that practically anyone can benefit from.